... FOR "FRANCHISE FACE-OFFS (PART 5 - 'TRANSFORMERS' EDITION)"

Michael Bay is the devil. Or, wait, let me explain. If everything that's good and wholesome in this world must have an opposite, then by "devil," I mean Michael Bay is the antithesis of everything the movie gods hold dear – coherency of plot, characters who resemble actual human beings, and most of all, film footage that hasn't been edited together with the skill and proficiency of a jackhammer. Bay's style of filmmaking seems geared toward people with attention-deficit disorder: explosions, gunfire, more explosions, hot-bodied men and women parading lasciviously past the camera every 6-7 seconds (or less), as if smacking you in the face to make sure you're paying attention. It's juvenile, and watching his movies, I'm insulted at the notion that my brain needs to be under constant assault to feel entertained.

I guess on some level, you have to respect what the guy does. There's a market for this sort of thing, for better or worse (Bay's films have grossed over $3 billion worldwide), and he plays to those strengths well. Born in Los Angeles in 1965, Michael Benjamin Bay started his film career early on, when he interned at Lucasfilm at the age of fifteen. He majored in English and Film at Wesleyan University, attended Pasadena's Art Center College of Design for his graduate studies, and started directing music videos and television commercials after receiving his degree.

... FOR "WALT DISNEY'S ANIMATED FIFTY (PART 12 - 'CINDERELLA' EDITION)"

My continuing foray into Disney's fifty official Animated Classics. As always, don't hesitate to share your thoughts/memories/complaints in the comments section below. Links to previous entries have also been included below.

Title: Cinderella (1950; based on "Cendrillon" by Charles Perrault)

The Plot: The daughter of a wealthy aristocrat, raised by her cruel stepmother and two jealous stepsisters, finds true love with the help of her Fairy Godmother and some friendly mice.

The Songs: "Cinderella," "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes," "Oh, Sing Sweet Nightingale," "The Work Song," "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo," "So This Is Love"

... FOR "UNFAIR EXPECTATIONS AND THE CRITICS' CONSENSUS ON 'CARS 2' (COMPARATIVELY SPEAKING)"

Holy crap – have you seen the aggregate rating for Pixar's Cars 2 on Rotten Tomatoes? As of this writing, it's currently holding at 33%! That means, out of all the critics who've seen the movie, only 1/3 actually liked the movie enough to recommend it. For a Pixar movie, that's unheard of – unprecedented even. Especially when you look at their Rotten track record: Toy Story (100%), A Bug's Life (91%), Toy Story 2 (100%), Monsters Inc. (95%), Finding Nemo (98%), The Incredibles (97%), Cars (74%), Ratatouille (96%), WALL-E (96%), Up (98%), and Toy Story 3 (99%).

Look at that list again. Did you notice anything else peculiar about it? That's right: Out of all the Pixar films to grace our theater screens, Cars and Cars 2 rank the lowest. Frankly, this is baffling to me. What's everyone's problem with Cars? If you read any of those reviews, the general consensus seems to be that no one buys that particular world. I get that. A world populated by talking anthropomorphic vehicles? Sports cars, passenger cars, trucks, helicopters, airplanes, bugs? Are you serious? Sure, I can buy walking, talking toys and insects and fish and monsters in my closet, but vehicles with mouths and eyes and hopes and dreams? That's a little too much to grasp, thank you very much. Who "manufactures" these cars anyway? Where are all the people? Who built the highways? Who carved all those structures in the mountains? Help, my brain is melting!

... FOR "WALT DISNEY'S ANIMATED FIFTY (PART 11 - 'THE ADVENTURES OF ICHABOD AND MR. TOAD' EDITION)"

My continuing foray into Disney's fifty official Animated Classics. As always, don't hesitate to share your thoughts/memories/complaints in the comments section below. Links to previous entries have also been included below.

Title: The Adventures Of Ichabod And Mr. Toad (1949)

The Plot: Two animated segments combined into one feature-length film, narrated (respectively) by Basil Rathbone and Bing Crosby. In the first, a  fun-loving, adventure-seeking toad gets into trouble when he tries to get his hands on a motor car. In the second, a lanky, prim-and-proper schoolteacher finds himself at the mercy of the Headless Horseman.

The Segments: "The Wind In The Willows" (based on the book by Kenneth Grahame), "The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow" (based on the short story by Washington Irving)

... FOR "WALT DISNEY'S ANIMATED FIFTY (PART 10 - 'MELODY TIME' EDITION)"

My continuing foray into Disney's fifty official Animated Classics. As always, don't hesitate to share your thoughts/memories/complaints in the comments section below. Links to previous entries have also been included below.

Title: Melody Time (1948)

The Plot: An anthology of animated shorts, set to popular 40's music.

The Segments: "Once Upon A Wintertime," "Bumble Boogie," "The Legend Of Johnny Appleseed," "Little Toot," "Trees," "Blame It On The Samba," "Pecos Bill"